1. Vodka Soda
If he’s a vodka soda dude, he cares more about how his abs look than if you’re satisfied.
Vodka sodas are the drink of choice for dieters.
If he opts for one, it’s not because he genuinely loves vodka. It’s because he’s concerned with how his arms look flexing over your head.
There’s nothing wrong with the guy, really. Besides, if you’re on top, he’ll be too transfixed by the sight of you bouncing around to worry about whether or not his abs look airbrushed.
If he orders scotch neat, he knows his way around downtown.
Guys who drink Glenlivet are old souls.
They can handle a “grown up” drink. They can also handle you in the bedroom.
A man who’s sipping at his scotch isn’t looking to get drunk, so he’ll be pleasantly buzzed by the time you get back to his apartment.
He is also refined enough to know the difference between each brand of scotch, which means he’s well-read. He’s learned the importance of pleasing you at some point down the road.
Open up for this dude, ladies. It’s worth it.
3. Gin And Tonic
If he’s a gin and tonic man, he’s about as adventurous as a doorknob.
Guys who are still on the gin and tonic vibe haven’t grown up much since college.
He’ll say he’s all about getting wild between the sheets, but his two favorite positions are missionary and girl-on-top.
Doggy? He’ll spend 20 minutes trying to position himself into the right hole. Anything else is simply too next level for the poor guy.
If he’s into tequila, he’s probably a total jackrabbit.
Fact: Tequila exists with the sole purpose of getting you plastered. If he’s downing Don Julio, his signature move is “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.”
If you’re into getting drilled, he’s the guy for you. If it takes a little more work for you to get your just desserts, all this guy will do is make your bed creak and your vagina hate you forever.
5. Long Island Iced Tea
Long Island iced tea man? He’s probably a virgin.
What guy drinks Long Island iced teas after graduating high school? They were the drink to get when your fake ID actually worked because they sounded fancy enough to not raise brows.
Now, he’s an adult. His drink probably means he’s only had sex with his right hand.
6. Corona And Heineken
If he’s into his Corona and Heineken, he’s probably never given an orgasm.
Your cooch is as mysterious as Atlantis for this guy.
You’ll have an average time, but there’s nothing adventurous about him. He won’t flip you over, nor will he be fast or slow enough for you to feel good.
Going down on you? Yeah, okay.
7. Wheat Beer
If he’s into small microbreweries, he’ll stop at nothing to please you.
Guys who prefer niche beer made by breweries you’ve never heard of pay attention to detail.
They also love women. They’ll work you in a way that will always leave you coming back for more.
This type of guy won’t rest until he gave you eight orgasms in a row. He will eat you out when you’re on your period. No matter what your sexual fantasy is, he’ll make you believe it’s worth fulfilling.
Don’t be creeped out by this guy’s eagerness. It’s so worth it.
8. Red Wine
If he’s a high-class red wine kind of lad, he’s bossy in a good way.
If he’s ordering the $300 bottle of Pinot Noir, he’s suave as sh*t. He knows how he likes his wine, just like he knows how he likes his women.
In bed, he’ll tell you exactly what he wants. You won’t even realize he’s being a dominant asshole until he’s f*cked you seven ways to Sunday. And you’ll love it.
9. White Wine
If he’s into white wine, he’s probably a serial killer. Or married. Or both.