I wonder why humans have to be social animals were we could have well been anti-social-sane-beings. While I am very sociable, warm and friendly otherwise (Hush Mom! Not now), there are some legit reasons why I have grown to hate the social networking websites:

All the characters mentioned here are constantly bugging us with their presence fictitious. Resemblance to any person living or dead is their karma purely coincidental.

• The pixie-rainbow-princess-fairy: The girl, who posts photos of puppies, tags her friends in random quote-photographs and adds a tiny heart after all her comments. Says ‘super-like’ for a compliment. Likes the ‘Hello Kitty’ page. And then ‘likes’ her own notification of liking the page. Too. Much. Saccharine.

• “Look Mommy, no photographic skills”: Mommy told the kid, he could achieve anything he wanted to when he grows up. Mommy didn’t know that tricky cameraswere one day going to evolve into seemingly-user friendly SLRs. Kid now updates the newsfeed with photographs of flowers, strangers, inanimate objects and street dogs every day. One day, Mommy finally unsubscribed from his updates.

• Yin-yang, till your head goes bang: Confucius has got nothing on these gifted beings. They begin their sentences with “Sometimes, in life…” and end it with an utterly lame insightful moral. Follow their walls carefully. Because sometimes in life,a status update is all you need to deal with your real life troubles.

• Mad-for-each-other:“This is your best photo, gorgeous *wink*.” “Lol! U say that forall my pics. Lol.” “That is because they are all that good *wink*”  “Awwww. Ur so sweet. Lol.”

I read it once. I didn’t want to feel alone. So I made you read it too. You may now join the Suffered-gooey-talks Club.

• Old is mold: “Hi ” “Hello” “What’s up?” “Nothing much. You tell.” “Nothing much.” “…..” When chat conversations start trailing off like this every time, you know there was a reason why you weren’t friends during all those years of your schooling.

• ESPN – Energetically Seeing. Playing Nothing: After a few days of their presencein your friend list, the sports section of the newspaper would become vestigial. Because they were narrating every match to you, minute-by-minute, in a manner that would give competition to the narration that Sanjay in Mahabharat gave to a blind Dhritrashtra.

• Legen – wait for it – drollery! They have been to the gym. They won’t say it out loud, but they would let you know. Flexing those muscles while posing in a group photo. With a weird pout and a weirder look. Again and again, photo after photo, so you can revise it all well.

• Silent predators: The people who are hardly active online, neither posting anything themselves nor responding to your posts. But for some reason, would sit down and write an 8 point article on behavior analysis of people using social networking sites.